Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
