We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
