I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
people are starting to question the shark bite story
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
