You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
