I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
