What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
