he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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