why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
