If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
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I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
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Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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