I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
