would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
