I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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