I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
