in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
