Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
