once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize