Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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