Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
