Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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