he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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