You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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