I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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