i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Drake has all the answers
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
