i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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