the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
