Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
