I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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