I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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