She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize