THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
