All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
