i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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