today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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