I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
