She went from zero to smokin in five shots
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
