Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
