if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
