I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
