I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
