You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I love black thongs
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
