i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
