I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
honey bunches of taint.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
