WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
