I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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