dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
