oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
