So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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