And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
