I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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