If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
