yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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