When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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