Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
