Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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