One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize