So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
