i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
im six kinds of drunk right now
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
