I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
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It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
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I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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