ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
