Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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