i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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