she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
