Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
