Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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