If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
