if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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