I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
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