We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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