I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
