whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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