The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I had to cum in my sink.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
