Apparently you make a good broom.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm both gender and math confused
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
